6 am Mornings

6:05am:  The sun is up, 'fatty' (real name 'Bua' - yes another one of my mother's creative inventions, like the one I feel victim to at birth), one of our two yellow labs is barking at his shadow.  For some reason this morning I am transported back to The Island - maybe it is the brazilian coffee I am drinking, but more probably it is the perfect stillness morning.

6:05am:  Two hours after being scared awake by my yoga teacher's 2 1/2 year old's sleeping pleas for soup of all things, I am awake and now trying to rouse Kim in time to teach one of two daily yoga classes.  Kim, Cece - the sleep-talking mini yogi, and I are in Ilha Grande for the week.  Kim is running a yoga retreat for mixed level yogis from around the globe.  Women from Germany, England, Ireland, and the US, to name a few, have all converged in an area known as the "Caribbean of Brazil".   An archipelago of 350 islands, it is home to lush Atlantic Rainforest, waterfalls, beaches, caves, rivers - an outdoor lover's dream.  Going to the island was like crossing some imaginary border that once you cross you could leave behind your identity and all that defines you in exchange for a short amount of time in which you can be anyone you please.

I am amazed not just by the diverse geography of this group but also by the diverse personalities within the group. 
- Danielle a lovely albeit pasty (self described) Brit who had thought it a good idea to sample Rio's nightlife before detoxing for a week, crawled into her hostel at 5:30am after looking at all the writhing bodies, moving to the beats of a Brazilian Baile Funky.  First stop for Danielle - Bob's Burger, the last junk food she will see for a week!
- Kristina a childhood friend of Kim's who seemed quite skeptical of the idea of spending a week in a  tropical paradise, known for it's rich foods and Caipirinhas, eating a diet prescribed to help one detox while spending the days doing a mix of hiking, kayaking and yoga.
- The mother-daughter pair from Ireland.  I had to smile as Bobby the local guide noted that the daughter Emily, looked like a still frame out of an Audrey Hepburn movie on our boat trip to the island.  "I wonder if you can still look like that tomorrow?" he mutters with a knowing smile.
- The Morph, a born again smoker, but quick to mention that before anyone judge her, it is the only thing keeping the mozzies at bay...DEET surely is worse and so much less fun!  Morph is probably one of the funniest ladies I have had the pleasure to meet and one that I knew was going to become the life of the party...even if we were to be deprived of our nightly cocktails.
- The German gals, friends from school, doesn't every vacation have a pair?!  (Ladies I say that with love ;-)

These are but a few of the cast of characters that would make up the fabric of my week...

To be continued....

La Loca

Half Brazilian, half German, my roommate is a formidable force.  Incredibly driven, immensely passionate about her country (Brazil), Karin is not the typical 23 year old.

Literally a chance encounter led to us being roommates for the better part of two months and despite the fact that we are incredibly different, we work.  I am going to miss this Carioca and her wild ways as well as her unwavering support of me and my crazy ideas.  A few of the memories I will take with me ...

1.  Karin draped across my bed, demanding I stay awake, as she has a GRRRRREAT idea for my book.  Which will be made into a movie someday starring Karin as myself (she loves to impersonate my accent).
2.  Maple Syrup - this child had never had maple syrup so I arranged for the real deal to be shipped to Brazil as a surprise.  But the real surprise was when she insisted on having MAPLE SOUP, as putting in on pancakes or french toast is a waste and prevents you from tasting the tree.
3. The morning I awoke to find Karin sitting in the kitchen scribbling a note furiously.  I thought maybe she had woken up with a new idea for a play (she is studying to be an actress).  But when she finally came up for air, she exclaimed that the *&(**@$# neighbors upstairs had woken her up again (they have a history of noisy amorous moments, walking in high heels at all hours of the night, a baby that cries around the clock and a yappy dog).  She was writing a note to slip under their door telling them about themselves.  Now if you know anything about the stereotypical passion of Brazilians, and/or German 'rage', then you can imagine the state my poor roommate was in being both German and Brazilian.  I listened attentively, offering the most compassionate sympathy as well as a few possible solutions, all of which had already tried.
My ultra calm and supportive demeanor quickly morphed into a fit hysteria that had me writhing around on the floor as she exclaimed  "even the ear tampons" had not worked!
4. Walking through the center of town, (akin to any financial district of a main city), and a gust of wind causes Karin's dress to fly up above her head - think Marilyn Monroe. Her response,  "Thank God my ass is beautiful!" before continuing to saunter down the street.
5. "You, you, you are a walking contradiction Townley!!  You are soo peaceful but then you do something crazy -you are like Yoda, saving all your energy for the fight".  Have to admit Yoda's a new one for me!
6. Don't worry I am bringing the Baby Butt Tissues (baby wipes to the rest of us :-).
7. You have never seen anyone get as excited as Karin when it comes to desert.  How amazing it is to live with someone else that likes to eat!!
8. Although occasionally annoying (Karin that's meant in a loving way!), Karin can literally get through an entire day communicating with nothing but song lines.
9. She tells me not to be scared of the bat that occasionally visits the apartment at night but that "won't eat me"...yet she screams bloody murder when one swoops low on the way home one night.
10. You have to love someone that cleans the house in her underwear while belting out show toons!


Thank you Karin for your hospitality and many great memories xo

-

Remember to Remember

  “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” 

                                                                          - Mark Twain

My maternal grandmother has lived a very full and somewhat unusual life for someone born in her day.  Those of you that know her can attest to that!  Be it eating two dinners a night so that she never had to decline a date, strutting her stuff on the catwalks of Paris, feigning a heart attack in a busy intersection in order to get us a ride home, loosing her nuclear family by the age of 17, or running a carpet business in Nepal, she always said she had few if any regrets.  At 83 yrs young how many people can truly say that? (Obviously, the truth of that statement is only something she can attest to but I am pretty convinced she means it).  Over the years I have found myself often thinking about what it would take to live a life with no regrets. 

 
Being someone that often seems to say goodbye more than hello; has a ridiculously complicated and painful relationship with family; fell madly in love with someone that didn't feel the same; sacrificed many things in order to help others - one might think I would have a number of regrets but surprisingly I have very few.  Heck, I don't even regret my prison tat!

Each dark moment, each moment of joy, jealousy, grief etc, has taught me something.  If I had any advice to give it would be to love with an undefended heart, tell the people you love you love them often, be the first to try and make amends in a fight, stand up for what you believe in and speak your truth honestly, take risks and put your pride aside and allow yourself to be vulnerable.  Better to say I love you and have it fall on deaf ears than to miss the chance to say it.

We often 'forget' that there are no guarantees in life.  We live arrogantly like we have all the time in the world,  that is until something happens to show us differently.  I got in touch with an old friend today to wish him a happy birthday only to find out that his youngest son had fallen into a swimming pool and drowned a month ago.  I cannot even begin to imagine the pain and grief that he must be going through.  In a split second his life was changed forever...let this be an invitation to remember to let the moments matter.  

How often do we get lost in the 'if only' mindset? If only I do X, I will feel better.  If only I was more this or less that.   If only I was not alone etc.  These are but a few examples of things that can preoccupy our minds, causing us to loose sight of the present moment, and the fact that each moment already contains everything.  I wonder where you would want to place your attention if you knew you only had a few minutes to live?  What would matter then?

Six months ago I attended a trauma-sensitive yoga teacher training which is relevant as trauma survivors often loose the ability to remain in the present.  Yoga is proving to be increasingly useful in helping survivors stay with the present.  Anyway, when the training was over, I approached one of the leading experts on psychological traumas and asked him to sign a copy of his book.  Without hesitation, he grabbed the book and in his best doctor penmanship, he scribbled the following: 

"Townley -  Remember to Remember..."

I didn't understand what he meant.  Until Now...