January 22, 2010 - # 26 No way

30 Ways in 30 Days...

26.  Lesley D. "What about surrendering to there not being 'a way'"

I fell asleep last night trying to wrap my head around this idea of doing by not doing, surrendering to stillness.  I woke up this morning with the same thoughts circling my head just out of my reach.  Lesley D. is the third yoga teacher I can remember challenging me to be still and 'not do'.  

Doesn't sound so hard, does it?  

Well if you are me, being still is one of the most elusive concepts that I have met to date.  I remember a few years ago, walking out of an amazing training with Sarah Powers.  I was with my one of my yoga teachers at the time, and in all my excitement I began verbosely explaining how I had gotten it, it all made sense, I finally understood - I couldn't wait to get back to a bookstore and read everything I could and learn more!!  I was on fire.  When I had finished, she looked at me, smiled and said "No. It will come when you stop trying to intellectually understand it. Get out of your head." My friend, my teacher, had just stuck a pin in my balloon.  I was devastated as silly as it sounds.  But this woman was someone that I looked up to and admired and I felt as if she was thinking 'you silly girl, you have so much to learn'....

EGO!  First of all, of course I have much more to learn, I hope be a student til the day I take my last breath - and if I start my doctorate this year that may not be far from the truth ;-)  Second, my reaction to her comments, were a perfect example of what she was trying to teach me.  She was not pointing out my ignorance, although at the time I would have begged to differ.  I couldn't understand why she would shoot me down like that, and moreover I was at a loss as to how one could reach an understanding of something by ceasing to try and understand it.  This yoga teacher was known for using the Sandskrit phrase "Neti, Neti" meaning Not this, Not that.  In hindsight, which is usually a little clearer.  I saw that she was challenging me to stop adding layers to the stories I was creating in order to give things meaning.  

This is where I think meditation comes in.  Meditation is the practice of being still, of being simply aware.  It teaches you to observe without attaching meaning.  Lesley D. reminded me that stillness does not imply emptiness; it is not meant to be a state free of thoughts, a common misconception about meditation.  Meditation is, in fact, not the experience of being blank, but that of noticing, being aware, being awake to the automatic habitual thoughts that come to us. So, it is meditative awareness that allows you to notice that you’re having a number of habitual thoughts while meditating. Know that with practice over time, you can strengthen the ability to notice yourself thinking and the ability to shift from thinking to being in the present moment. A quote by Ram Dass that Lesley recently used in class exemplifies this:

  “Our thoughts are always happening. Much like leaves floating down a stream…If you are standing by a river and a leaf floats by, you have your choice of following the leaf with your eye or keeping your attention fixed in front of you. The leaf floats out of your line of vision. Another leaf enters…and floats by. But as we stand on the bank of the river and the leaves float by, there is no confusion as to whether or not we are the leaves. Similarly, it turns out that there is a place in our minds from which we can watch our own mental images go by. We aren’t our thoughts any more than we are the leaves.” – Ram Dass and Paul Gorman

It is being in the present moment, fully aware that you find spaciousness.  In moving away from the thoughts to being, you create the space to See the things that have always been there.  Or that is what I am told ;-)  I have had my moments but there is always more to 'learn'.  Today I turn back to my Sadhana, my practice, and try to surrender to the stillness.  I look forward to the day I may be able to offer more 'insight' on this but for now I remember Richard Freeman's teaching principle:  "Teach what you know.  Do not teach what you do not know".

January 20, 2010 - #25 and it continues

Even though my birthday has come and gone, I have had quite a few people ask me to continue with the blog, at least until I get it together to write my book! It's going to be awhile before I am writing any books so here is my compromise - funny seeing-as-though I forget that people actually reads this!!

So seeing as though I am going to be continuing, and that people actually read this, any suggestions for a new name for the blog?  I guess it can stay the same for now seeing as though I have yet to complete the 30 'tasks' set by friends and family.  A new friend from Prema Yoga gave me a new challenge and so it continues...

25. Jean Marie - How about vowing to meditate every day for at least 15 minutes??
(I promised Lesley D, co-owner of Prema Yoga and dear friend, that I would try to do this everyday but to-date I have not been as dedicated as I could be.  So thank you Jean Marie, from today I promise to try).

26. - 30. Are still open - so I welcome your suggestions

Namaste for now ;-)

January 19, 2010 - Breaking down barriers & practicing for Haiti

It always amazes me how many people are on the F train so early on a Sunday morning.  After making it to Lex Ave - 63rd street stop, I boarded the F train ready for my daily commute to Brooklyn.  Yes, I travel from the UES to Brooklyn everyday to practice, much to the confusion of my city friends that love to point out how many yoga studios I pass each day on my way.  But anyone that has practiced with 'Devi' Lesley D. at Prema Yoga knows why I make this daily pilgrimage.  

I sat on the train, in a psuedo-meditative state, reflecting on how lucky I was to be sitting next to my best friend of 30 years. We were on our way to practice in order to raise money for Haiti earthquake relief.  I must admit I was balancing my eagerness to practice, with my growing awareness of  many people were going to be squeezing into the one room studio at Prema.  Lesley D. is known to pack a full house on a regular Sunday morning - what would it be like today when we were practicing for such a good reason?!?  

Inhale 'Let', exhale 'Go" began my mantra as the train surged forward... 

Arriving at Prema I saw most of Lesley's faithful followers, along with a handful of new faces, armed with yoga mats and a desire to do something to help the Haitians in need.  I had brought my camera in order to take some photos for a photojournalism project I am working on.  I set up my mat up in the back of the class and then joined a few of the regulars  to creatively find a space for all the mats that kept arriving.  You would think this would be fairly straight forward, but it brought to mind my grandmother's warning 'sometimes there are just too many cooks in the kitchen!' as there were varying ideas of how best to accomplish this.  Just when you thought you couldn't accommodate one more mat, one would sheepishly appear in the doorway - eyes pleading to be let in with minimal disruption to the already full room.  Despite it being a Sunday morning, in a room full of New Yorkers and Brooklenites the tension in the air gave way to an incredible sight....

Lesley took her seat at the front of the class ready to begin.  The individual yogis and mats, placed side-by-side, took on the appearance of a multicolored quilt "many patches, many pieces, many colors, many sizes, all woven and held together by a common thread" (J. Jackson). 

Lesley began class, talking about breaking down boundaries and the power of letting go.  The irony of this was not lost on me.  The class was full of all types of New York personalities.  Anyone that is familiar with the New Yorker mentality knows what I am referring to,  yet everyone checked their differences at the door in order to come together to practice in order to raise money for the Appropriate Infrastructure Development Group (AIDG, www.aidg.org).  Not only did Lesley create an environment in which we could break down the boundaries between our individual mats (containing our individual beliefs and personalities), becoming a unified whole, but she also inspired us to breakdown the boundaries between our 'relative' selves and our 'higher' selves.

She said the essential function of spiritual practice, whatever form it takes, is to breakdown the barriers that separate us from consciousness.   We celebrated this breaking of barriers by joining Lesley in a Creole chant that she had learned from a Haitian drummer in Brooklyn years ago.  She laughed as she described this man as someone she loves deeply despite "disagreeing with him on all points, except the need to break down barriers between people".  The chant she led exemplifies this...

Legba nan bay-e

Legba nan bay-e 

Legba nan bay-e
Se ou ki pote drapo
Se ou ki parey soley pou lwa yo

Haiti is a country rich in African heritage.  In Haitian tradition, Legba is God of the crossroads, and the connection between the universe and it's divine origin. He serves as a gatekeeper, who crosses the barrier between the relative world of names and forms and higher world of divinity.  The meaning of this chant:

Legba is at the gate 

Legba is at the gate

Legba is at the gate
It is you who carries the flag 
It is you who shields the spirit from the Sun 
 

"Exhale and come into downward dog..." and class had begun.  Despite there being no room to spread ones arms to the sides, and in some cases being toe-to-nose with the person behind you, the class flowed in total harmony.  

The collective energy in a class brought together to honor the Haitian's that both passed on and those that were faced with rebuilding their countries and their lives, was the perfect example of human nature at its best.  All of the 'stories' we tell ourselves lost their meaning, or were at least put on the back burner for awhile as a group of total strangers came together with no other intention than to give back - everyone's intention was completely pure.  The moment that I realized this was when we were asked to come up into a shoulder stand (Salamba Sarvangasana) and then into plough (Halasana).  

Being at the back of the room had its challenges, such as the low wall shelves behind me.  Instead of seeing this as an obstacle to practice, the shelves became a sort of prop in their own right.  Unable to swing our legs overhead before coming up into a shoulder stand - the woman next to me giggled as we both used the shelves to climb up into our poses.  25 breaths later it was time to come into plough, but the shelves provided us with a barrier, obscuring our descent into plough.  Again, we both paused somewhere between the two poses, hovering as we giggled while trying to find a creative solution.  What was initially an obstacle ended up opening our eyes to the creative potential in front of us.  She beautifully eased her legs into full lotus while still in a shoulder stand and then gracefully lowered herself back and under the shelving.   I, a little taller, was unable to do the same.  So somehow I managed to maneuver into Karnapidasana - a pose in which you bring the knees beside your ears, squeezing your temples - after making my way onto my back.  After counterposing in fish for a few breaths, we all prepared for Savasna or final resting pose.  

As I closed my eyes, I felt like I had accomplished something special today.  Beginning this practice in a room full of strangers, I now felt the quilt-like effect of our practice - each individual brought something to this class - be it a smile of encouragement,  a positive intention or a giggle while climbing up the shelving at Prema - we had all come together to raise money for a worthy cause and I am proud to say that Prema raised $3,255 for AIDG Earthquake relief (also due in part to the incredible Kirtan that Nina and Ambika performed at Prema the night before).

Devi, you have a unique gift to transcend boundaries and bring people together to share your teachings.  I am profoundly thankful that my dear friend Jen convinced me to try one of your classes, despite my stubborn protestations such as 'you are out of your mind if you think I am trucking to Brooklyn for yoga'...oh did I have a lot to learn as Prema has become my second home and I look forward to my daily pilgrimage across the bridge, to practice with friends.

Thank you!

January 14, 2010 - A chance encounter

Last Saturday the Jets were playing and being in NYC at the time, anybody and everybody was watching the game, everybody that is except me - what can I say, I still march to the beat of my own drum.  Desperate to evade the packed bars, I decided I would spoil myself with a pedicure.  Anyone that spends as much time staring at her toes as I do, deserves to have pretty toes ;-) 

This striking woman walked in and sat down beside me.  I don't know what it was, the expression on her face, the way she carried herself but something kept drawing my attention to her (and for all of you morally reprehensible friends of mine, NO, not like that!) I can't explain it, and I know it sounds strange ...  As fate would have it she started talking to me about NYC and the frantic pace that New Yorkers do everything - it really does require an extra effort to switch off in the city...hence why I travel an hour each way to practice in Brooklyn at Prema, but that is another story.  It turns out that this woman was in New York from Alabama with her 4-year-old son who was here for a check up, during which time they found that he had relapsed.  This little person had a brain tumor and had just had brain surgery and what was supposed to be a week-long visit was now looking to be months.  They were staying at the Ronald McDonald House in NYC which supports families in situations like this, which was ironic as I am waiting for my volunteer application to be approved so that I can start teaching yoga there.  We talked some more about Alabama and New York and then we both left to go our separate ways.

Or so I thought, I went home that night and I couldn't shake the thoughts of this woman and her son as well as the daughter that was being home schooled so that she could travel to be with her brother that has spent 2 of his 4 years fighting.  No mother or child, no person should have to suffer like this...I woke up the next morning and was still thinking about this family transplanted to a city that can seem foreign sometimes even to the people that live here.  

I took a deep breath and called the Ronald McDonald house knowing that I probably sounded like a lunatic as I described this meeting a few days earlier.  I explained that I wanted to leave my number in case I could help in anyway, but the challenge was that we had never exchanged basics, like our names.   So much to the dismay of the receptionist I began trying to describe this person in the hopes that we would reconnect.  That afternoon we did.  I would like to share with you the website that Melissa (we are now on a first name basis ;-)), shared with me.  

Meet Jensen and the family that has inspired me in soo many ways.  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jensenbyrd/

I found Melissa in order to offer support and see if I could help, but I have a feeling that she and her family are going to do more me that I could ever do for them.  I feel very lucky to have had the chance to meet her.  

Slow down and enjoy life.  A simple smile to a stranger can really change you forever.  She and Jensen have also reminded me that each day is a luxury and not a guarantee so live your days to the fullest.

I thought I would add a part of Melissa's website that she had written at around the same day - as it really touched me.

"  Today is definitely a better day and I look forward to a great evening.  Barbara, from the Candlelighers, is treating me to a comedy show and lord knows I need a good laugh.  We will also be accompanied by a wonderful young lady that I met several days ago.  Its a funny story, and to make a long story short, we never exchanged names but I had told her where we were staying and a little about why we were here.  She sought me out at the RMH not even knowing who to ask for and once we were connected by phone, she offered a friendship because she was compelled by our story.  How great is that?  She definately is not a native New Yorker :) haha and after I met her, I was initially thinking that she probably thought I was a rambling lunatic and how dare I interrupt her alone time :)  Anyway, yet another chance meeting with an amazing and caring person of society.  They are not all that hard to find afterall, even on this "other planet!"  Can't wait to get my other half(s) here tomorrow...Melissa"