La Loca

Half Brazilian, half German, my roommate is a formidable force.  Incredibly driven, immensely passionate about her country (Brazil), Karin is not the typical 23 year old.

Literally a chance encounter led to us being roommates for the better part of two months and despite the fact that we are incredibly different, we work.  I am going to miss this Carioca and her wild ways as well as her unwavering support of me and my crazy ideas.  A few of the memories I will take with me ...

1.  Karin draped across my bed, demanding I stay awake, as she has a GRRRRREAT idea for my book.  Which will be made into a movie someday starring Karin as myself (she loves to impersonate my accent).
2.  Maple Syrup - this child had never had maple syrup so I arranged for the real deal to be shipped to Brazil as a surprise.  But the real surprise was when she insisted on having MAPLE SOUP, as putting in on pancakes or french toast is a waste and prevents you from tasting the tree.
3. The morning I awoke to find Karin sitting in the kitchen scribbling a note furiously.  I thought maybe she had woken up with a new idea for a play (she is studying to be an actress).  But when she finally came up for air, she exclaimed that the *&(**@$# neighbors upstairs had woken her up again (they have a history of noisy amorous moments, walking in high heels at all hours of the night, a baby that cries around the clock and a yappy dog).  She was writing a note to slip under their door telling them about themselves.  Now if you know anything about the stereotypical passion of Brazilians, and/or German 'rage', then you can imagine the state my poor roommate was in being both German and Brazilian.  I listened attentively, offering the most compassionate sympathy as well as a few possible solutions, all of which had already tried.
My ultra calm and supportive demeanor quickly morphed into a fit hysteria that had me writhing around on the floor as she exclaimed  "even the ear tampons" had not worked!
4. Walking through the center of town, (akin to any financial district of a main city), and a gust of wind causes Karin's dress to fly up above her head - think Marilyn Monroe. Her response,  "Thank God my ass is beautiful!" before continuing to saunter down the street.
5. "You, you, you are a walking contradiction Townley!!  You are soo peaceful but then you do something crazy -you are like Yoda, saving all your energy for the fight".  Have to admit Yoda's a new one for me!
6. Don't worry I am bringing the Baby Butt Tissues (baby wipes to the rest of us :-).
7. You have never seen anyone get as excited as Karin when it comes to desert.  How amazing it is to live with someone else that likes to eat!!
8. Although occasionally annoying (Karin that's meant in a loving way!), Karin can literally get through an entire day communicating with nothing but song lines.
9. She tells me not to be scared of the bat that occasionally visits the apartment at night but that "won't eat me"...yet she screams bloody murder when one swoops low on the way home one night.
10. You have to love someone that cleans the house in her underwear while belting out show toons!


Thank you Karin for your hospitality and many great memories xo

-

Remember to Remember

  “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” 

                                                                          - Mark Twain

My maternal grandmother has lived a very full and somewhat unusual life for someone born in her day.  Those of you that know her can attest to that!  Be it eating two dinners a night so that she never had to decline a date, strutting her stuff on the catwalks of Paris, feigning a heart attack in a busy intersection in order to get us a ride home, loosing her nuclear family by the age of 17, or running a carpet business in Nepal, she always said she had few if any regrets.  At 83 yrs young how many people can truly say that? (Obviously, the truth of that statement is only something she can attest to but I am pretty convinced she means it).  Over the years I have found myself often thinking about what it would take to live a life with no regrets. 

 
Being someone that often seems to say goodbye more than hello; has a ridiculously complicated and painful relationship with family; fell madly in love with someone that didn't feel the same; sacrificed many things in order to help others - one might think I would have a number of regrets but surprisingly I have very few.  Heck, I don't even regret my prison tat!

Each dark moment, each moment of joy, jealousy, grief etc, has taught me something.  If I had any advice to give it would be to love with an undefended heart, tell the people you love you love them often, be the first to try and make amends in a fight, stand up for what you believe in and speak your truth honestly, take risks and put your pride aside and allow yourself to be vulnerable.  Better to say I love you and have it fall on deaf ears than to miss the chance to say it.

We often 'forget' that there are no guarantees in life.  We live arrogantly like we have all the time in the world,  that is until something happens to show us differently.  I got in touch with an old friend today to wish him a happy birthday only to find out that his youngest son had fallen into a swimming pool and drowned a month ago.  I cannot even begin to imagine the pain and grief that he must be going through.  In a split second his life was changed forever...let this be an invitation to remember to let the moments matter.  

How often do we get lost in the 'if only' mindset? If only I do X, I will feel better.  If only I was more this or less that.   If only I was not alone etc.  These are but a few examples of things that can preoccupy our minds, causing us to loose sight of the present moment, and the fact that each moment already contains everything.  I wonder where you would want to place your attention if you knew you only had a few minutes to live?  What would matter then?

Six months ago I attended a trauma-sensitive yoga teacher training which is relevant as trauma survivors often loose the ability to remain in the present.  Yoga is proving to be increasingly useful in helping survivors stay with the present.  Anyway, when the training was over, I approached one of the leading experts on psychological traumas and asked him to sign a copy of his book.  Without hesitation, he grabbed the book and in his best doctor penmanship, he scribbled the following: 

"Townley -  Remember to Remember..."

I didn't understand what he meant.  Until Now...