To teach or not to teach?

Was it almost a year ago that I was sitting in northern Thailand, defending all the reasons as to why I was taking a yoga teacher training with no intention of ever teaching?  Out of 21 students, 2 of us bonded over the shared desire to deepen our own practices without actually teaching a class ourselves.  There was some solace in knowing that there was an end in sight to the practice teaches that were a required part of our training.  There was no way that I was going to be putting myself through that anxiety, by choice, on a daily basis!  

Sara and Kimberly, the women holding the training, sat motionlessly, holding my gaze while trying to restrain the hint of smiles that were slowly forming on their faces.  Almost in unison they chimed "I bet you will change your mind by the end of the training"... (I have to say, in that moment, my internal voice was like "um, yeah, okay - sure, I'll teach, just as soon as I get over that small physiological reaction (brought on by standing up in front of a group to do anything) that results in my either passing out (usually while giving myself a nice concussion in the process), or worse yet, throwing up on the ankles and shoes of my eager audience (and yes, yes I have been THAT girl).

Little did I know that today was going to be the day that Kimberly would pass on that proverbial baton.  I showed up at her studio at 9am ready for what I thought was going to be our one-on-one practice.  As she opened the door, there was this slightly dazed but smiling face staring back at me.  
"Hey can you look at my head? I think I might need stitches.  Are you squeamish?"  Disguised by her thick red hair, was an open gash that definitely looked like it needed stitches and much to Kimberly's annoyance, I told her that no, it was not okay to wait a few hours before going to the hospital as once the wound begins to heal it can't really be stitched.  Had I known then that my concern for her scalp would be the ticket to my first class I might have kept my mouth closed!  

Within 5 minutes of my arriving, Kimberly deciding that yes she did in fact have to be stitched up, students arrived ready for Kimberly's class (And for those of you that have not had the opportunity to practice with Kim - I agree with Sara 100% when she introduced Kimberly at our teacher training saying that "she might just be one of the best yoga teachers alive and practicing today").  "Well I guess this is going to be your chance - do you have a sequence you want to teach or would you like me to leave you with something?"  I will be honest when I say that I don't think what she said even registered (for those of you that know the me, I can't drink coffee before practicing in the morning so you can imagine how good I am in the mornings!)  Within another two minutes, Kimberly reminded me how to modify a few of the poses for pregnancy (one of the women was 35 or 36 weeks in - EEEEEEK) and said "don't worry if there is any trouble being understood, you can always switch to Spanish as one of the girls is Cuban!" - Thanks Kim, what a relief :-)

 And with that Cinderella left the ball...

To my delight I did not injure anyone - or more importantly faint or loose my breakfast, I actually think that the 'bump' which was moving A LOT on its own accord kept me adequately freaked out and distracted, so that nerves were not even really an issue.  Picture a pregnant woman lying on a pillow supporting her back and head with her eyes closed, while the baby moves across her abdomen so that you can see its form 'resting' fully along her left side - before taking a swim around to the other side...it was really like watching a movie about demonic possession but with a beautiful miracle replacing the demon part ;-)

I can honestly say I have no idea how the class was perceived by the students although I am sure I will get feedback through Kim (my experience with prenatal yoga to date is pretty much summed up in the above photo).  But I guess more to the point - Kimberly and Sara were right when they lovingly suggested that maybe I would change my mind about teaching.  As a wise female yogi once said to me - its all about balancing what you want with what you need - today I clearly needed to be reminded of what I needed! (Now if they could just figure out the rest of my life that would be perfect!)


P.s. Just goes to show the dedication of the teachers I have been lucky enough to study with.  If I didn't know better I would actually think Kimberly had planned this all exactly as it happened ;-)  I can't thank the teachers I have had to date, and the yogis/friends, enough for all the love and support you have given to me- wanted or unwanted.  So I am going to borrow my friend Larkin's words as I don't think I could have said it better myself:

"I have adopted the belief that our 'calling' is simply the string of choices we chose to make - those that have the courage to make the bold choice to follow their true feelings are those we say have found their 'calling'.... I further believe that you cannot make a bad choice only one that is less true to yourself".   

Studying in Thailand, traveling in Vietnam and Cambodia, Studying in NYC and now studying and teaching in Brazil - who would have thought...these have by far been the best choices of my life to date...

Sara and Kimberly are joining forces again to teach the first ever women's teacher training in Boulder CO - if you have the chance I would highly recommend this training!!! http://www.thewayofthehappywoman.com/womensyogateachertraining/